Since becoming renewed in my faith a few weeks ago. It has been made painfully obvious to me there is an area in my personal arrangement which needs to be reconciled before I can move on in confidence with my life as a Christian.
You see, I am not married to the father of my three children. We live together as man and wife and we do everything that a man and wife do (well we haven't been doing 'that' since I've begun to grow more spiritually). But anyway, my thing is this. I want to be married much sooner rather than later.
I have begun to see things a whole lot clearer now and really, what on Earth are we actually waiting for? We have three children and nearly eight years of togetherness under our belt. The money situation or lack of, (where a wedding is concerned) always has and always will be there. I am convinced it will only be an issue if we allow it to be.
If I had my way we'd be married tomorrow, just us two and our kids, but the OH is not so sure. He believes in God and is also a Christian but he is not where I am on his Christian journey. He thinks I'm only rushing things because of my renewed faith and no longer wanting to live in sin. He would be right, but I really don't see the problem. We have been planning to get married anyway right? Maybe it goes deeper still....
If I'm really honest it's the whole sex, I mean intimacy thing that bothers me the most. In the Bible fornication is not pleasing to God (1Cor 6:18-20). I have always known this in a roundabout way, but never seemed to think it applied to me. Huh? I was never truly conscious of it, I think is what I'm trying to say.
As I begin to read more and more of the Bible I wonder why I never used to take this more seriously before now. What have I been doing all this time? I know I was embarrassed about my situation especially after baby number two and three came along and we still weren't married, but I just pushed it all to the back of my mind. I hid from it. Before I was more into pleasing myself. Now I understand the brevity of life on this Earth and I want with all my heart to spend my remaining years pleasing God. I know there will be trials and tribulations along the way, but His divine grace and glory will carry me through each and every hurdle, just like it always has.
Going back to the intimacy stuff, I am happy to wait until we are married to resume our sex life but I think OH will struggle (or maybe it's me who is already struggling) hence why I want to speed up our nuptials. I guess I want to do this more for him and his 'manly needs' than for me (for the record he's been less persistent than before - God is working) but we are human and he is a man and temptation is sure to come our way at some point. I mean after eight years and three kids there's been a substantial amount of love making that has gone on. To have it stop, just like that is a real test.
All in all this is not something I plan on worrying about I just wanted to put it out there. I know God has a plan for all of us and He will bring me through this crossroad in my life. All I have to do is pray with faith and belief and he will do the rest.
Tuesday 21 August 2012
Crossroads and confessions
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6 comments:
Hi Natalie,
I think you are doing such a remarkable job in finding your faith - deepening it. I am trying to do the same by questioning things and trying to give Youngling a richer upbringing within Christianity. I still have a long way to go - don't get me wrong. I think the next man I meet will have to be a believer or at least support my wishes and what not.
I wish you the very best of luck my lovely Take care, Kate
(aka Makeshift Mummy from www.facebook.com/MakeshiftMummy)
Thanks Kate. I am finding so much comfort and peace as I draw closer to God and commit my life to His purpose. I still have a long way to go too, but the more I seek Him the more He reveals to me. I pray you will grow closer to Him too, as I know that's what you want for you and Youngling xxx
I think it's really good to be honest about this. I'm not married or have ever been in a serious relationship, but I've always wanted to save myself for marriage. Not sure if it's a religious thing because I'm not very religious.
I know that God will forgive you and forgive everything because you're seeking the forgiveness.
I think abstinence until your wedding will definitely be a difficult and real test, but I know you and OH will get through it. It'll also give you more time to discover your faith and spirituality. I wish you both the best x
Thanks Sieta, and Amen to you for saving yourself for marriage.
I think I got so caught up with the world in my youth and what everyone else was doing that I lost sight of what was right and good. Looking back over the years even before my relationship with OH there were situations I got into where God was probably trying to show me the error of my ways but I was oblivious.
You are right though, God ALWAYS forgives when you seek his forgiveness. And this period will most certainly help me to grow in my spirituality and faith. He has a plan.
Xx
Congratulations on your journey. Although you started a family in a way that you would not have, I am so happy that you recognize what a joy and blessing your babies are. They truly are a gift from God. You seem to be determined and I pray that you keep steadfast in your quest. I am in agreement with you about going ahead and getting married. If you guys were intending to get married anyway, don't let the ceremony be the deciding factor. Talk to your significant other. See if you guys could start off real slow by simply going to pre-marital counseling with your pastor. This will help establish a foundation. By the end of the series of biblical counseling, he may decide that what matters is the commitment between you two. Trust me,a small intimate gathering of families with some finger foods is more memorable than a big fancy party with some people you may have never met. You can decide to throw a big party for your anniversary or better yet, take a nice long family vacation. Another option would be for you two to go to the justice of the peace and get married, then hold the ceremony a year later. It is still a wedding.Either of these options will eliminate the stress of living together, sleeping next to each other and constantly fighting to stay away from each other. It will eliminate the stress of sadness when you give in, and it will eliminate the stress it might put on your relationship since moving out and you guys living separate until the wedding is not an option. I only offer these options because in the grand scheme of things, it will not matter if you had a big wedding. What will matter is that you two are together,committed to each other, are healthy, in love and raising happy children. I pray that you continue your walk.
Pettite Diva, thank you so much for your comment. The points you make are really helpful and I will most certainly take them on board.
Thank you for your kind words and your prayers. I really appreciate it. : )
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